Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Tate Langdon!? Really?

Photo courtesy of:

You know, keeping a blog as long as I have, sometimes I get concerned that I might be over-sharing when it comes to my life.  This post is a bit long, but I need to share it because, as much as I tout joy and light, I want to also express the healthy need to embrace the opposite as well. Darkness could not exist without light and, as a result, it is an integral part of  life.

As I write this, I am at the end of one of the most cathartic, eight days of my life.  Due to a combination of things (Toledo water crisis + a reiki healing + Super Full Moon + Robin Williams committing suicide) I found myself sitting in a "space" that was new, yet familiar.  Familiar because it was dark, new because it wasn't consuming, it just - was.

I had gone from a heightened emotional state - pure, innate, survival stuff from the water crisis - to a week of reiki healing.  I had a very intense and emotional Sunday, followed by the shock and grief of Robin Williams committing suicide the following day.

The Super Moon...

I know our water crisis ushered in the affects of the Super Moon  and my dear friends in Metro Detroit have been coping with some insane flooding.

I have been having very vivid dreams, full of all kinds imagery.  (Some of it funny - like the dream I had about returning to work. After "classroom managing" one of my students - he looked up at me angrily - usually I ignore - but in my dream I looked at him and sang the chorus from the theme song to Welcome Back Kotter "Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back", while snapping my fingers. Vivid and humorous ;~D )

And through another vivid dream, my psyche let me know what was coming and what I needed to do. I just didn't realize it at the time.


Early Saturday morning, I dreamed about Tate Langdon from American Horror Story .  I was surprised, nothing inappropriate (darn!), he was just there, chit chatting with me, which is unusual.  I've never dreamed about anything from American Horror Story.  No nightmares.  Nothing.

I love the show and love Evan Peters, but not in a "cougary" kind of way (he was born the year I graduated from High School).  He's totally hot, I will not deny that, but I'm always moved by his incredible talent and know it's the characters he's playing that get my heart all a flutter ;~D

It was Tate in my dream and I woke up really baffled as to what it was I was supposed to get from that.  I couldn't connect with what he represented in my life; what dream symbology was going on there. I hadn't watched the show in over a year and hadn't had any desire to.  Ken and I had made plans to watch the current season on Netflix in December and we were going to wait until September to get an account, so I could focus on completing my first eCourse.

I told Ken that Tate had popped up in my dream and we chuckled about me having to change my "list" (sorry, Thomas Gibson - you've been axed - oops, I guess that does make me a "cougar" ;~D ) and I went about my day - relaxing and waiting for the final, focused hour of the healing I'd been participating in. Then I went to sleep.


Sunday was insane!  I can remember the last time I was that emotional, but I was not as stable as I am now. It was odd to feel that way and not have it be because of addiction or codependency.  I fought it for most of the day and then had a really, intense, cathartic cry.

What happened next is still blowing my mind.  

I knew with all my heart and soul I needed to be in this space for as long as I needed to be.  My intuition/higher knowing WASN'T leading me to try and make it go away/balance it out.  It was leading me to embrace this dark space and sit in it. At no time did I feel suicidal or feel any sort of despair. Thanks to the healing, I knew this was old stuff that I was ready let go of; left over emotions I couldn't cope with in the past that were ready to depart.  I suddenly started understanding all the Goth kids I've known.  I wanted it dark. The darker the better.

So, what's the best way to embrace the macabre?  American Horror Story , of course. Since I didn't have access to the show, I ventured into the fan fiction world that has evolved from this amazing work of television art.  Some of it was really silly, some of it was pornographic, but a lot of it was just plain good.  It allowed me to embrace where I was, and I spent most of the day and the next day, reading other people's creative ideas.


Then, the following evening I got a text message from my mother.  Robin Williams had committed suicide. As someone who works with the mentally ill and has struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts in the past, I have been watching him over the last couple of years and have been concerned about the look in his eyes.  But, I kept hearing that he was getting treatment - intensive treatment that lots of money can afford, and had hoped he was working through it, as he has done before.  When I learned of his suicide, I was (and still am) grief stricken, but not surprised.

The intensity of the last week started playing out in my head, and after researching Super Moons, it all came together - the natural disasters, my intense emotions,  and the timing of Robin Williams's final act to calm his angst.

The reason why Tate Langdon showed up in my dream suddenly became VERY clear, as well. (SPOILER ALERT!)  Tate is a ghost who died in 1994 (17 or 18 years old) and he was obsessed with Kurt Cobain (who committed suicide in 1994).  I struggled with my issues and was in the process of overcoming them at the same time Kurt Cobain was struggling and succumbed to his - which affected me quite deeply and still does to this day. Kurt was 27 (2+7=9).  Robin Williams was 63 (6+3=9).  The emotions I was sitting with were left over from that time, 20 years ago.  This was all what some like to call a "full circle moment". And, to seal the deal, I finally saw the symbology (premonition) of Tate Langdon's presence in my dream when I remembered his girlfriend, Violet's words to him in one of the final episodes: "Tate, you are the darkness."

My intuition kicked in again.  I stepped things up a bit, and engaged in what I REALLY wanted and what my soul kept telling me I needed.  I signed up for a Netflix account (first month's free - yay!) and started watching American Horror Story: Murder House.

That night I tried to sleep, but I couldn't and decided to keep watching the show.  I walked around my home, in the dark and the usual things that scare me when it's dark and I'm watching something scary were actually comforting.  I wanted to be scared.  I wanted to hear bumps and noises that would normally make me jump out of my skin.  I wanted to see figures in the shadows.  Ironically, it felt light and it calmed me down.


I spent all day Tuesday watching the rest of the show (it's my last week off work - I would have taken a day to do this with one of my favorite shows anyway).  I let Ken know where I was "at" and my sister (because I didn't want my niece to be around me while I was like this). I did not want to be "cheered up".  I knew they would both understand and they just let me be.


I felt everything start to lift, naturally.  No St. John's Wort, no intense meditation, no chakra balancing.  It all just lifted on its own.

I am not the woman I was eight days ago.

I am stronger, more balanced and centered.

More focused on my purpose.

More enriched and even more grateful for the life I am living.

And, not surprisingly, a much bigger fan of American Horror Story than I ever thought possible ;~D

Love and hugs,

P.S. ~ Obviously, I write my blog posts a few weeks in advance. And do I have one heck of a Post Script for this one. I was surfing around Yahoo News after I wrote this and read a blip about Robin Williams's daughter deleting her social media accounts due to attacks from followers (What the heck is wrong with people?!?). As I scrolled through I was humbled by the Universe's logic when I found this. She is friends with Kurt Cobain's daughter, Frances.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Toledo Water Crisis 2014

In case you weren't aware, I live in Toledo, Ohio.

Following is my perspective of those three crazy days where we could not use our water.

I posted this to my Facebook page - August 4, 2014:

I've had quite a weekend - It's hard to believe that in this day and age - people still think it's OK to let their pesticide and cow feces run off into a body of water used to support hundreds of thousands of people. But, here in the lovely state of Ohio, USA that is exactly what has been happening and it finally caught up with us.

I grew up in Pennsylvania and always remembered hearing my dad say that the Ohio river - or maybe it was the Shenango river - either way ~~> (which leaves PA for a spell, goes through Ohio then comes back into PA) was always more polluted at the point where it returned to PA - so, this is an Ohio issue that HOPEFULLY will wake up the powers that be.

As a result, we have amazing water treatment facilities that have been very concerned about the algae in our pocket of Lake Erie. This past weekend the algae turned the water into a toxic cocktail that even the water treatment facility couldn't fix. Which has left 400,000 people in NW Ohio without drinkable [or usable] water. We CAN"T EVEN BOIL it because boiling increases the toxins.

A beautiful positive in all this is seeing the good side of humanity - all of the people who have stepped up to get drinkable water to those who can't get it - all of the people from the surrounding area who aren't affected leaving out their garden hoses so people can fill containers - people offering to let strangers come to their homes to shower and do laundry (which, as of yesterday, we can now do).

Yes, there were a few stories floating around about fights over water when this all first happened and price gauging - Like any city - Toledo gets real "ghetto" at times - but the positives have far outweighed the negatives.

My family and friends are fine. My sister and I drove to a town 2 hours south of here [Lima, OH] and bought an insane amount of water to distribute to family, friends and neighbors, when this all first happened - and so did many others.

[Above] is a photo of what the pollution has done to our end of Lake Erie and a photo of the 10,000 gallons of water the Air National Guard brought in yesterday.

The EPA says the water is fine now, but the tests our water treatment facility have run still show cause for concern, so our mayor is erring on the side of caution.

In the meantime, I am truly blessed, have plenty of water - waiting for this to be over and looking forward to the changes in environmental policy and farming practices that will come as a result of this.


A few hours after I posted this, the ban was lifted.  My body told me it was all fixed when I washed some dishes that morning and my joints didn't lock up afterwards, so I wasn't surprised when the town got the good news.

We Did Have Some Fun...

On Sunday afternoon we received word that healthy adults could shower (no children or elderly), but that we couldn't get the water in our ears, eyes, nose or mouth.

My friend, Jeff Beach, cheered us all up on Facebook with this photo.

He labeled it "Just showered #toledowater" and after much persuasion from yours truly (and his mom ;~D ), he submitted it to a local news station and it made the evening news!

Ironically, the day before this all happened, I had been thinking about how lucky I was to have lived so close to Lake Erie my whole life and that I didn't have to worry about my water, like the people in California are dealing with this summer.

If you're interested, this is a great article/comic about what happened and how long its been going on.

Love and hugs,

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Chakra Balancing Meditations

This has been a nice summer.

Unlike last year, I am much more focused and am enjoying finishing up my classes.

I am also not as burned out as I was, though I definitely needed to take time to relax and replenish.

I was focusing on my healing when I realized there was a lot more to dig out than I was getting to.

After an email conversation with a woman in my mastermind group whose meditation I was doing a testimonial for, it was brought to light that my heart chakra was opening.

I followed my Higher Guidance and headed to YouTube to experiment with other meditations than the ones I had on hand.


I discovered this very centering, healing and thorough Heart Meditation with Tibetan Singing Bowls.

It was exactly what I needed and I shared it with two of my clients.

Then I got an even better idea.

I made a playlist of all of the meditations which focused on Chakra Healing.

The first meditation in the series is the Heart, but I made this list to start from the root and finish at the crown, so a couple of the intros will seem a little off.

I shared this with my email tribe last month and received all sorts of great feedback.

Now it's time to share it with my blog followers.


Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Correcting A Mistake

Remember this?

Back in February (seems like yesterday, and a million years ago all at once) I thought I'd be clever and work a David Bowie song into my post about all of the changes that were coming up.

Then, at the end of the post, I commented that I had been singing this song incorrectly forever, based on the lyrics posted in the video.


Not too long afterwards, I started receiving emails from readers, letting me know that I was right and the video was wrong.

This sent me into quite the giggle fit, especially when I received one from my mother, who included a link to several sites that had the lyrics all written out. 

This is a woman who knows who David Bowie is, yet is most certainly not a fan and even she couldn't believe I had been wrong. ;~D

I'm staying true to the energy of the original post and I'm not going to change anything.

Except maybe adding a link to this post on that one.

Ha!  If all mistakes were this easy to deal with... :)

Love and hugs,

Thursday, July 31, 2014

What Name Do I Use?

This is not a deep, philosophical, "who am I?" question.

It is something quite simple that became a little more complicated than it needed to.

I need to start speaking publicly, in my community to promote my business.

I have been writing and creating under my pen name, online.

What name was I going to go by when I spoke?

Marla didn't feel right.

Did this mean I needed to stop what I was doing and change my name online, before I went any further with my biz?

That didn't feel right either.

I asked the women in my mastermind group if they had ever dealt with this dilemma.

The advice that came back loud and clear was to "follow your gut".

So, I let it go, completely, because I could not hear what my gut was saying.


When I first started blogging under my pen name, I never expected to do anything more than have a place to really express myself, without having it interfere with my work and personal life.

I work closely with the public and already go by a different name at work than I do with family and friends, but with the personal exploring I knew I would be doing, along with the spiritually based topics I'd be discussing, I did not want any conflicts with my work life.

What it boiled down to is that I really value my privacy.

And just as quickly as I let it go, one day the answer, clear as day, popped into my head.

I'm going to speak under my work name, and let the audience know that I write and coach, online, under my pen name.

It was just that simple.

And makes total sense.

Love and hugs,

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Story Time With Marla IV

You know I love my rock and roll.

And most of you know I was in a band for a blink of an eye.

But, even though it wasn't for very long, I really enjoyed learning a new instrument and missed that instrument incredibly when I let it go.

This story is about a very strange dream/reality mish mosh that I experienced 16 years ago.

I'm telling this story off the cuff.

There's a lot of "and"s and "um"s.


Give it a listen.

Then head on over to YouTube and let me know what you think!

Love and hugs,

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

What's Stopping You?

I found this great rant from Dave Grohl in my Facebook newsfeed.

Lots of "F Bombs" and slamming of reality, talent, television shows.

But the basic message is quite clear and I can't share it enough.

What excuses are you feeding yourself?

Why are you sitting on that dream?

You really do have everything you need, right now, to get started, right now.

The only one standing in your way is, you.

"Tough" Love and hugs ( ;~D ),

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Story Time With Marla III

This next video is a journal written eight years ago.

Apparently I'd been very moved by a movie I'd seen.

Moved, because it was a true work of art.

I still, to this day, cannot remember what movie it was and for some reason I never wrote it down.

This is something you'd hear some art students mulling over in a coffee house somewhere (some would argue somewhere in 1992 - ha!).

Anyway, get your cup a joe, put your thinking cap on and listen to this poignant little piece I put together.

Then, head on over to YouTube and tell me what you think!

Love and hugs,

Thursday, July 3, 2014


 I'm off to a reunion and potluck picnic this weekend!

This is no ordinary reunion.

I'm catching up with members of my urban family from Detroit.

You know.

The people that end up being your family when you first move out on your own.

We were, and still are, a very creative, silly bunch.

So much so that my good friend (the one who did the awesome banner for this blog), her son and I are going to do like she and I used to do - explore Detroit and take photos.  (Except, we'll be doing it in the day time, unlike our adventurous, night loving, 20-something selves ;~D )

Here's the Facebook Invite, if you still weren't convinced:

It was my friend's idea and we envisioned all of our friends and their kids being together for this momentous occasion.  

It's so hard to get straight answers from people who are now over-worked, over-stressed parents.

So, we're not sure who's really coming and we have no idea what or how much food will be there either.


That goes for anything, not just potluck reunions ;~D




Love and hugs,