Wednesday, October 1, 2014

"Turn, turn, turn..."




I've been trying to figure out the best way to share this.

I'm ALL ABOUT keeping things quiet and close to your heart when you are in the process of creating something.

I didn't tell anyone I knew about this blog for almost two years.

I have an online buddy who wrote a book and only shared it with a select few while she was creating.  Then, one day - tada!  She had a finished book to share with everyone.

It's important when you're in the process of birthing something to only share it with those you know will understand and support your process.

THANK YOU!

I have something to do that I have been waiting for the right moment to do.

I have been chewing on this idea over the last two years.

Thank you for indulging me.

I've known the right moment will be when it feels light and the opportunity I had to move on several months ago did not feel light.

It felt RIGHT, but it also felt heavy

Heavy because I knew I needed time to heal from an insane school year.

I let the door close, knowing full well it would be easy enough to open again when the time was right.

DOESN'T TAKE A GENIUS...

This is the week I return to my day job.

The job I've known would always run its course.

The job that helped me let another childhood dream (being a school teacher), go.

The job that used to be my purpose and joy.

The job that gave me some of the best "adult" friends I've ever had.

It doesn't take a genius to see that I am ready to go and I took advantage of one more summer to get my Self set.

FACEBOOK GOODBYES

My summer started out with me being so stressed that I was ready to just not go back at all.

I resented having to pay for my license and my background check after almost three weeks of extra unpaid time, due to all the calamity days.

I resented so much about my day job that even the good things weren't enough to change my perspective.



I soon realized I wasn't going to be able to focus on my healing if I didn't have my work lined up.  I put my "big girl" pants on and took care of business.

A couple of weeks later I was still tied in a knot and knew what needed to come next; for my sanity and to declare my intention to the Universe.

I politely unfriended my work colleagues from my personal Facebook account. 

This was very difficult because many of us have worked together for years and I can't think of a better team of people to have spent the last 10 1/2 years of my life with

AND THEN...

Later that day I got an email from a colleague, one who I've worked with the entire time I've been there.

She has a new baby and a very successful blog.  She did not renew her contract and will not be returning.

Another colleague's position has been reduced to part time.  But she's the art teacher and we have been talking for a while about turning her talent into her livelihood.

And it also looks like the staff might be reduced by one teacher, as well.

So many have been crying "ain't it awful!", but all I can feel is inspiration and momentum.

Of course I'm scared to pieces, but I will not have what I need to make my dreams my reality if I continue doing what I'm doing.

My time to leave is coming very soon. 

There is so much I will miss, but my body is telling me it's time to go.


 
Love and hugs,














--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wrote this post over the summer, convinced that I was going to get back to work and somehow find the courage to leave.

I scheduled it for the third week in August and went on my merry way.

Then...

All of the things I love about my job took over and I decided to give it another year; and I set this post "on a shelf".

Then, out of nowhere, the Universe knocked the wind out of my sails.

 As of today (9/29/14) I no longer work at the behavior school.


Monday, September 22, 2014

Mars in Sagitarius

I'm not one to shy away from astrology.

I don't pretend to be an expert, but I do understand more than the average Joe.

I also have a tendency to look at astrology after the fact; I don't plan my life around the stars.

And if I choose to say, send out a bunch of private messages, seeking women to review my new eCourse - during a Mercury Retrograde - I may find myself ticked, but not surprised - when I piss off half of them and confuse the rest.  Haha! ;-)


Anyway, if you've been keeping up with the blog, you may have seen that myself, and many people I know, have been happy and content, engaging with an interesting darkness that's been present in our lives.


Well, Guess What?

Mars has been in Scorpio the last few weeks.

This is why things have been so intense and dark.

On the 13th it moved into Sagittarius.

This means, if you haven't noticed already, things will be feeling more inspired and forward moving.

A perfect time for new pursuits or even travel.

Just be sure you aren't trampling on the feelings or rights of others on your way.

So, all that creative energy we were all experiencing during that intensity is now going to come together.

Good luck.

Have fun.

And enjoy!

Love,




Monday, September 15, 2014

"When Everyone Shines But You" + An Interview + Giveaway With Kelly Martin



Kelly!  I have been so excited about this interview.  Congratulations on creating this wonderful book, "When Everyone Shines But You: Saying Goodbye To I'm Not Good Enough".  It is simply fantastic. 39 scrumptious nuggets of wisdom and guidance derived from allowing your spirit's guidance to emerge through your words.  Just beautiful.

Thank you Marla, so glad you enjoyed reading it.

Before I begin, I want to let everyone know that Kelly has generously offered to share a Kindle or eBook version of her book, with one lucky reader. This contest is open to anyone.  Simply subscribe to the SacredCyberSpace.com email list, below, to be included in the giveaway.  The contest will end, Friday, September 19th at Midnight EST.  We will contact the winner via the email address used to sign up :)
(Don't worry, I hate spam as much as you.  I will never sell or share your email address)

(Sorry - This Contest Has Ended)


First of all, you cover this in your introduction, but can you share with my readers why you were moved to write this book?

Writing 'When Everyone Shines But You' came from a real feeling of not being good enough. I had spent 30+ years of feeling under the radar in life, watching people I knew, both friends and family, pass me by in terms of outer success, relationship success and financial success. As I neared 40 I grew more and more frustrated by the lack of understanding in the modern self-help and motivational books I saw online and in my local book-store. The emphasis was on 'getting happy', 'thinking positively' and 'creating your reality'.

I had tried, and invested years on all these topics. I had countless gratitude journals; I had been there, bought the t-shirt in terms of vision boards, focusing on better feeling thoughts, imagining the life of my dreams, avoidance strategies through focusing on what I wanted instead of the reality before me. Everywhere I looked many teachers were professing the importance of thinking positively as a primary objective in life, but nothing was ever said about the negative being a route in to what was causing many people to feel worthless in this world.

I was no experienced psychologist or motivational speaker, but what I was, was someone who had certificates in 'feeling like a failure', awards in 'huge bouts of jealousy' and trophies in 'shame and not feeling good enough'.

And one day I knew I just needed answers, and I knew that after reading so many books and watching so many videos, that the only place this wisdom was going to come from was within me. I wanted to read a book that was yet to be written and I had no idea what was going to come out of it or what it was going to be about. I just knew I needed to start writing and so I did, and I let it flow.


One of my favorite things about this book is that I knew nothing about it until it was finished.  You were very particular about who knew about what you were doing.  Can you fill us in on what it takes to get something like this accomplished?  How you kept your "head in the game"?

Oh, this was the hardest part Marla, keeping it quiet. I was always a 'tell people my plans' and take action later, only the action never continued, because a part of me used the 'sharing my ideas' to keep me where I was, held back so I could gather more information. And because I had never completed anything to fruition, I had to keep this quiet. This was a real strong feeling inside me to keep it quiet and sacred in my creative womb, but everything about writing a book and publishing was the exact opposite of this because writing a book involves promoting – prior to the book's launch, so this was hard for me to accept.

Writing a book without a plan in mind can be challenging. The ego likes to be in charge and control every step of the way, but with this book I wanted answers and the mind did not have the answers to my life challenges. So the process was a journey through the dark in many ways. I would spend each day asking myself 'What do I need to know right now?' and some days I gazed out of the window with no idea or answer coming to me. But then something was triggered within, by a butterfly on a flower, by rain falling and the answers came through nature.

It was then I realized that this book was going to be written differently.  I was going to be a vehicle for my spirit and human selves to work together as one, recognizing that my humanity has as much wisdom as any aspect of my spirit.

I kept my head in the game with the support of one good friend, my best friend and house-mate Mike. He became my editor, proof-reader and general cheer-leader. Although the biggest encouragement came from within, something in me felt I needed to write this book and I also used jealousy as a fuel for my passions of writing; more of this is included in the book.


You have been writing about the journey of life and "questioning reality" for years.  So someone out there doesn't feel so alone, what was it in your heart that made you start questioning traditional "self-help" guidance?

I found traditional self-help guidance to be incredibly one-sided.  The exercises, ideas, goal setting strategies spoke to an assertive, extroverted individual who was in a pretty good place already, and many of the teachers I read or heard were discouraging negative thinking altogether. This did not sit right with me, how can we have the Yang without the Yin?

As I put many of the traditional self-help methods into practice, I grew frustrated that they 'appeared' to work for some, yet many people were still feeling frustrated, sad, lonely, depressed and not good enough. The more I was encouraged to feel positive the more I felt negative. I kept having this nagging question inside 'What if there is something beautiful in the darkness? Something beautiful in the negative that we are avoiding through all this 'positive thinking'?


One of my favorite themes is a philosophy you and I both have in common ~ embracing/acknowledging the negative, challenging, sometimes dark moments in life. Which totally goes against the message of many of the "manifesting", "change your life" gurus out there.  When did you discover the life-changing momentum these experiences have to offer?

The biggest turnaround was at my first mindfulness meditation class. I had been spending so much time alone in solitude that going to a new class brought up a great amount of anxiety. I had experienced intense anxiety since I was 7 years old and it was nothing new to me, but something about mindfulness brought out something different. Instead of avoiding the anxiety, mindfulness shone a light on the fears that came up in bucket-loads. I sat in the corner of the class and had a full blown panic attack. I wanted to run; I wanted to flee the room, to escape, but something in me said stay. And I sat through the panic, the intense fear and listened to very loud noises outside and began to hear the harmony in the pneumatic drill drilling, the seagulls cawing, the bells chiming and the people talking loudly outside the meditation room. And a smile came across my face. The outer noise reflected the inner noise, the anxiety. I realized the anxiety had a gift to share with me. It showed me it would lessen if I actually embraced it instead of fleeing from it through distraction techniques like positive thinking.


I love Chapter 21, Loneliness.  Discovering that we are the best friend we could have is so liberating.  What is your favorite thing to do to honor your alone time with yourself?

I actually really love to take myself out for coffee. Something about being alone yet not alone, among people, yet on retreat. Watching the world go by, being part of it yet feeling separate too. I also find mindfulness meditation helps me immensely. Sitting quietly, no music, just silence or outer noises taking place and observing the landscape within my mind. Bringing my attention to this alone time was the beginning of self-compassion for me, the beginning of self-kindness.


Which chapter is your favorite?  Why?

My favourite chapter is Chapter 25 – Too Much Emphasis On Positive Thinking May Damage Self-Worth because I find it soothes me at times of distress, when the failure story may be playing, and the mind is telling me 'I should be feeling happy/positive/joyful'. It helps me surrender into the feeling and give my human self the comfort and kindness it so very much deserves. It literally allowed me to be human as the words came through me. I read it back and felt nourished and held by gentle hands nurturing my human experience. I was no longer flawed just because I could not 'will' myself into a better frame of mind.


How has your life changed since you started accepting all the aspects of yourself?

Well, for me this is just the beginning. It's a journey and I would be lying to say writing this book has changed my world, but what it has done is change my perception of my world and how to live in life. I feel a greater confidence that I never had before and I value myself a whole lot more. Before I started this journey of acceptance I lived a life of perpetually feeling 'worthless and useless'. I no longer feel worthless, but I still have stories playing; pain arises, sadness comes, jealousy too, yet they no longer send me into a pit of despair. I am able to manage and relate to myself much more deeply now. The tender loving arms of mindfulness have created a space within me to open my heart – to me. This is the biggest change and one I am still discovering moment-by-moment.


OK.  I'm going to wrap things up by asking you where we can find you online? 

You can find me in various places online.
I do most of my writing here at: www.kellymartinspeaks.co.uk
But to find out more about 'When Everyone Shines But You' you can visit my new author website: www.kellymartin.co.uk
I also share videos of encouragement on my You Tube channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/KellyMartinSpeaks/
And share inspiration on


I can remember a time in my life where I felt like everyone was in on some secret, leaving me out of the loop. That is why I love this book.  Each chapter clears the path a little more than the next and we are left with clarity; we finally feel like we're in on it too, by the time we are finished. 

And - even better - when the book is finished we are left with a fantastic reference/resource to keep around for those days when we need a little centering and focus.

Thank you, Kelly!

Thank you for this interview.

Thank you for this book.


Thank you Marla for reading and giving such great feedback on the book, I have enjoyed this interview x



Kelly Martin is a British writer and a natural free flowing intuitive blogger who can write till the cows come home, but because she felt a complete failure at everything in her life, she never gave herself the chance to finish anything, especially a book, until now.

One day Kelly saw other people praising their books and something began to stir inside. She always felt she had a book inside her, but because she thought so differently to many people in the self-help arena she held off sharing to a wider audience, yet a strong voice within began to grow louder and she knew she had to begin to share what she knew, to share the wisdom that was beginning to drive her days and to offer support and encouragement to people who also felt like failures, who also felt worthless and useless, and for those people who felt that there was no point to their being here on planet Earth.

She watched as scores of people became enmeshed in the 'Law of Attraction' culture. She watched as people felt downtrodden by the positive thinking path, when they were unable to hold positive thoughts as they were told they 'should' be doing or having, and she said to herself 'Enough is enough! I need to voice a new way of being human' and so When Everyone Shines But You was born.

So from blogging at Kelly Martin Speaks to now, a new chapter began. The labour was filled with complications, the pregnancy was private, the going full term was overwhelmingly tough going at times, but the baby was born. The first of many more to come.

You can follow Kelly Martin across the web on the social networks below or you can subscribe to her newsletter HERE where she shares all her news and writing.

Here’s to all the square pegs, black sheep and outsiders wanting a voice.


Thursday, September 11, 2014

September 11, 2014

www.freeimages.com

I just looked back through the blog and noticed something very interesting.

I have purposefully not posted anything on September 11th, except for sharing my personal experience on the 10 year anniversary.

I've been running with a personally intriguing, healing theme the last several weeks in my life and I've shared some of it here on the blog.

Darkness

I honestly can not think of a darker day than this one (in my life time) and find it amusing that I've been avoiding it the last couple of years.

This year, I am OK with it.

This year I know with all my heart and soul that it was as dark as it was, because there was so much light present.


A goodness that, in the end, has gotten even more press than the awful events of that day.

It's not ironic.

It just is.

Light.




Monday, September 8, 2014

Another Healing Challenge


This blog has lacked any real cohesiveness for a while now.

All I can say is that I am still in the sloppy copy phase of things.

I'm testing my blogging class right now, Brilliant Blogging!, and one of the big things I stressed in the last module I posted was starting small so you can collect your thoughts.

Since I've been teaching this class, I've been able to put things in perspective with my own creative efforts over here at my blog.

Sacred Cyber Space is a blank slate for me.

A place to share my process, my life, my dreams, my efforts...

So, I've been trying out different ideas and directions over the past year.

Like trying on different outfits.

Discovering my strengths and my weaknesses.


Healing My Self...


One of my favorite words of wisdom from her is that starting your own biz "will make you face your shit!" 

I'm finding it really interesting that once I started testing my class, the Universe saw that I was ready to heal some stuff I had no idea was lurking about.

I'm heading into month two of some serious "closure".


It just keeps on coming and I'm embracing every minute.

The biggest message?

Without darkness, how would we recognize the light? 


When You're Ready...

I thought I was in the midst of a serious problem when I heard some interesting news from several good, girl friends.

"I got an early start on my Halloween this year"

One started her Horror Movie fest at the beginning of September, another has been planning her decorations since July, and so many have made reference to being "so over Summer and ready for Halloween."

This made me feel a little less like an addict when I confessed the following, to one of my closest friends. I had started watching American Horror Story again (last week), after Ken and I decided we were going to start watching the first two seasons on Halloween night so we'd be all caught up and ready for Season 3 when it debuts on Netflix in early December.

So here's my challenge for you:

When you feel ready, think of a time you consider dark or negative.  A time that you "would never share in mixed company".  A time that brings up emotions you have been told by the "gurus" - you should not think about because you don't want to "send a low message/vibration out to the Universe".

It's OK.  It only seems so dark because the light shining on it is so bright.

Face it.  

Embrace it.  

Own it.

Release it and...

Allow it brighten your light.











**If you choose to pursue working with Leonie Dawson via the above link, I will receive "Thank You" money from her for sending you her way.  I only recommend coaches and tools that I have had personal and beneficial experience with.  If this does not sit well with you, feel free to "enter through another door" by Googling: Leonie Dawson.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Where I'm At...


It has been a while since I posted an update as to what's really going on around here.

First, you may want to check out the new "About" page.

I renamed it "Hello!" and it's the next step to making my intentions a lot clearer.

The Blog...

I have used this blog as an opportunity to organize my thoughts and try out some different ideas, as I discover what it is I truly have to offer.

I have come up with ideas that I thought were simply amazing that, it turns out, were ideas that only I thought were amazing.

The choice was made way back in the beginning to follow my intuition, which has resulted in many false starts.

Unlike most people, I am beyond OK with this.

Each false start is another step towards what is truly supposed to be happening.

Way Off Base!

I offered a free mini-eCourse, Create More Joy in Just 7 Days!, to my new and current email subscribers.  I designed it to only take 3 minutes a day, over 7 days, and they didn't have to all be in a row.

Wow!  Did I miss the mark on this one.  All but one of my requests for a testimonial were met with "I haven't had the time to look at it."

My conclusion:  I need to add value to it by charging for it.  When money is involved, it's human nature to take it more seriously.

So, it wasn't a total waste of time.  Once I polish up the video intros, it's going to be one of my first classes that I charge for. 

Some Secrets I've Been Keeping...

In April I took on my first, real, long-term coaching client.  We are currently taking a break, but we are both really excited about how this all worked out and I am looking forward to making things a little more cohesive so I can start adding more clients.

I started beta testing my first eCourse, Brilliant Blogging!,  in July.

This is also making things feel so real to me.

Three years of work culminating into that special something I have to offer the world.

Sharing it first with six amazing women who are helping me grow it into something even more amazing than I had originally intended.

Helping me make it into something I will be so proud to offer as soon as the time is right.

You Need To Smile More...

I had the bright idea to get some input on Create More Joy... from a fella I've known for a while.

Even though I'm smiling 80% of the time in my videos, I was told this wasn't enough.

"People like to see a smiling face."

What I realized very quickly was that he was really saying "I'm uncomfortable with a strong woman who takes the time to get her point across.  I need to see curled lips to avoid being intimidated".

Thus confirming that it is definitely women I am supposed to be working with ~ Haha! ;~D

I'm Taking More Chances!

As I shared with my email tribe last week, August left me with a glaring, relentless message from the Universe.

CHALLENGE YOURSELF!


If there's one thing the events of this past summer, and August specifically, have shown me is that it is so important to shake things up and step out of your comfort zone.


I haven't been taking many chances creatively and it has been negatively affecting my spirit.

I will be stepping outside my box a lot more, and started with last week's post.

I included it in my last email.

I've had three people unsubscribe already.

Clarification.

A purer tribe of followers.

A more authentic message.

What Are You Going To Do To Shake Things Up?

So, here's your challenge this week.

What can you do to step outside your comfort zone this week?

What one thing can you do differently to shake things up?

Love and hugs,


Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Choice!


I was flipping through my Facebook newsfeed when I was stopped, "dead in my tracks" by a meme that resonated with my soul.

This meme is my personal mission statement.

The day I discovered the power of choice was the day my life truly became my own.



Choice covers so much ground, I'm not even going to try and address it in a single blog entry.

Needless to say, it runs the gambit of making a choice as to what food you will eat to broader concepts like how you will be in the world.

THERE IS NO NEED TO LEAVE LIFE TO CHANCE

Never let anyone convince you that you are not in charge.

Never let anyone try to tell you that taking action is pointless.

Yes, there is a great Spirit which shows itself in the revolving planets, the tides of the Earth and the actions of Man, but within this flow, you have a paddle to guide your way.

You have a great personal power that you can wield through the actions you choose to take, or not take.

A personal power that comes from opening up to truly see the power of the choices that got you to where you are, and accepting that the choices you make from here on out will be equally as powerful.

Love and hugs,



Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Tate Langdon!? Really?

Photo courtesy of: onlymoreagirl.tumblr.com

You know, keeping a blog as long as I have, sometimes I get concerned that I might be over-sharing when it comes to my life.  This post is a bit long, but I need to share it because, as much as I tout joy and light, I want to also express the healthy need to embrace the opposite as well. Darkness could not exist without light and, as a result, it is an integral part of  life.

As I write this, I am at the end of one of the most cathartic, eight days of my life.  Due to a combination of things (Toledo water crisis + a reiki healing + Super Full Moon + Robin Williams committing suicide) I found myself sitting in a "space" that was new, yet familiar.  Familiar because it was dark, new because it wasn't consuming, it just - was.

I had gone from a heightened emotional state - pure, innate, survival stuff from the water crisis - to a week of reiki healing.  I had a very intense and emotional Sunday, followed by the shock and grief of Robin Williams committing suicide the following day.

The Super Moon...

I know our water crisis ushered in the affects of the Super Moon  and my dear friends in Metro Detroit have been coping with some insane flooding.

I have been having very vivid dreams, full of all kinds imagery.  (Some of it funny - like the dream I had about returning to work. After "classroom managing" one of my students - he looked up at me angrily - usually I ignore - but in my dream I looked at him and sang the chorus from the theme song to Welcome Back Kotter "Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back", while snapping my fingers. Vivid and humorous ;~D )

And through another vivid dream, my psyche let me know what was coming and what I needed to do. I just didn't realize it at the time.

Saturday...

Early Saturday morning, I dreamed about Tate Langdon from American Horror Story .  I was surprised, nothing inappropriate (darn!), he was just there, chit chatting with me, which is unusual.  I've never dreamed about anything from American Horror Story.  No nightmares.  Nothing.

I love the show and love Evan Peters, but not in a "cougary" kind of way (he was born the year I graduated from High School).  He's totally hot, I will not deny that, but I'm always moved by his incredible talent and know it's the characters he's playing that get my heart all a flutter ;~D

It was Tate in my dream and I woke up really baffled as to what it was I was supposed to get from that.  I couldn't connect with what he represented in my life; what dream symbology was going on there. I hadn't watched the show in over a year and hadn't had any desire to.  Ken and I had made plans to watch the current season on Netflix in December and we were going to wait until September to get an account, so I could focus on completing my first eCourse.

I told Ken that Tate had popped up in my dream and we chuckled about me having to change my "list" (sorry, Thomas Gibson - you've been axed - oops, I guess that does make me a "cougar" ;~D ) and I went about my day - relaxing and waiting for the final, focused hour of the healing I'd been participating in. Then I went to sleep.

Sunday...

Sunday was insane!  I can remember the last time I was that emotional, but I was not as stable as I am now. It was odd to feel that way and not have it be because of addiction or codependency.  I fought it for most of the day and then had a really, intense, cathartic cry.

What happened next is still blowing my mind.  

I knew with all my heart and soul I needed to be in this space for as long as I needed to be.  My intuition/higher knowing WASN'T leading me to try and make it go away/balance it out.  It was leading me to embrace this dark space and sit in it. At no time did I feel suicidal or feel any sort of despair. Thanks to the healing, I knew this was old stuff that I was ready let go of; left over emotions I couldn't cope with in the past that were ready to depart.  I suddenly started understanding all the Goth kids I've known.  I wanted it dark. The darker the better.

So, what's the best way to embrace the macabre?  American Horror Story , of course. Since I didn't have access to the show, I ventured into the fan fiction world that has evolved from this amazing work of television art.  Some of it was really silly, some of it was pornographic, but a lot of it was just plain good.  It allowed me to embrace where I was, and I spent most of the day and the next day, reading other people's creative ideas.

Monday...

Then, the following evening I got a text message from my mother.  Robin Williams had committed suicide. As someone who works with the mentally ill and has struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts in the past, I have been watching him over the last couple of years and have been concerned about the look in his eyes.  But, I kept hearing that he was getting treatment - intensive treatment that lots of money can afford, and had hoped he was working through it, as he has done before.  When I learned of his suicide, I was (and still am) grief stricken, but not surprised.

The intensity of the last week started playing out in my head, and after researching Super Moons, it all came together - the natural disasters, my intense emotions,  and the timing of Robin Williams's final act to calm his angst.

The reason why Tate Langdon showed up in my dream suddenly became VERY clear, as well. (SPOILER ALERT!)  Tate is a ghost who died in 1994 (17 or 18 years old) and he was obsessed with Kurt Cobain (who committed suicide in 1994).  I struggled with my issues and was in the process of overcoming them at the same time Kurt Cobain was struggling and succumbed to his - which affected me quite deeply and still does to this day. Kurt was 27 (2+7=9).  Robin Williams was 63 (6+3=9).  The emotions I was sitting with were left over from that time, 20 years ago.  This was all what some like to call a "full circle moment". And, to seal the deal, I finally saw the symbology (premonition) of Tate Langdon's presence in my dream when I remembered his girlfriend, Violet's words to him in one of the final episodes: "Tate, you are the darkness."

My intuition kicked in again.  I stepped things up a bit, and engaged in what I REALLY wanted and what my soul kept telling me I needed.  I signed up for a Netflix account (first month's free - yay!) and started watching American Horror Story: Murder House.

That night I tried to sleep, but I couldn't and decided to keep watching the show.  I walked around my home, in the dark and the usual things that scare me when it's dark and I'm watching something scary were actually comforting.  I wanted to be scared.  I wanted to hear bumps and noises that would normally make me jump out of my skin.  I wanted to see figures in the shadows.  Ironically, it felt light and it calmed me down.

Tuesday...

I spent all day Tuesday watching the rest of the show (it's my last week off work - I would have taken a day to do this with one of my favorite shows anyway).  I let Ken know where I was "at" and my sister (because I didn't want my niece to be around me while I was like this). I did not want to be "cheered up".  I knew they would both understand and they just let me be.

Wednesday...

I felt everything start to lift, naturally.  No St. John's Wort, no intense meditation, no chakra balancing.  It all just lifted on its own.

I am not the woman I was eight days ago.

I am stronger, more balanced and centered.

More focused on my purpose.

More enriched and even more grateful for the life I am living.

And, not surprisingly, a much bigger fan of American Horror Story than I ever thought possible ;~D

Love and hugs,










P.S. ~ Obviously, I write my blog posts a few weeks in advance. And do I have one heck of a Post Script for this one. I was surfing around Yahoo News after I wrote this and read a blip about Robin Williams's daughter deleting her social media accounts due to attacks from followers (What the heck is wrong with people?!?). As I scrolled through I was humbled by the Universe's logic when I found this. She is friends with Kurt Cobain's daughter, Frances.












Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Toledo Water Crisis 2014

In case you weren't aware, I live in Toledo, Ohio.

Following is my perspective of those three crazy days where we could not use our water.

I posted this to my Facebook page - August 4, 2014:



I've had quite a weekend - It's hard to believe that in this day and age - people still think it's OK to let their pesticide and cow feces run off into a body of water used to support hundreds of thousands of people. But, here in the lovely state of Ohio, USA that is exactly what has been happening and it finally caught up with us.

I grew up in Pennsylvania and always remembered hearing my dad say that the Ohio river - or maybe it was the Shenango river - either way ~~> (which leaves PA for a spell, goes through Ohio then comes back into PA) was always more polluted at the point where it returned to PA - so, this is an Ohio issue that HOPEFULLY will wake up the powers that be.

As a result, we have amazing water treatment facilities that have been very concerned about the algae in our pocket of Lake Erie. This past weekend the algae turned the water into a toxic cocktail that even the water treatment facility couldn't fix. Which has left 400,000 people in NW Ohio without drinkable [or usable] water. We CAN"T EVEN BOIL it because boiling increases the toxins.

A beautiful positive in all this is seeing the good side of humanity - all of the people who have stepped up to get drinkable water to those who can't get it - all of the people from the surrounding area who aren't affected leaving out their garden hoses so people can fill containers - people offering to let strangers come to their homes to shower and do laundry (which, as of yesterday, we can now do).

Yes, there were a few stories floating around about fights over water when this all first happened and price gauging - Like any city - Toledo gets real "ghetto" at times - but the positives have far outweighed the negatives.

My family and friends are fine. My sister and I drove to a town 2 hours south of here [Lima, OH] and bought an insane amount of water to distribute to family, friends and neighbors, when this all first happened - and so did many others.

[Above] is a photo of what the pollution has done to our end of Lake Erie and a photo of the 10,000 gallons of water the Air National Guard brought in yesterday.

The EPA says the water is fine now, but the tests our water treatment facility have run still show cause for concern, so our mayor is erring on the side of caution.

In the meantime, I am truly blessed, have plenty of water - waiting for this to be over and looking forward to the changes in environmental policy and farming practices that will come as a result of this.



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A few hours after I posted this, the ban was lifted.  My body told me it was all fixed when I washed some dishes that morning and my joints didn't lock up afterwards, so I wasn't surprised when the town got the good news.

We Did Have Some Fun...

On Sunday afternoon we received word that healthy adults could shower (no children or elderly), but that we couldn't get the water in our ears, eyes, nose or mouth.

My friend, Jeff Beach, cheered us all up on Facebook with this photo.



He labeled it "Just showered #toledowater" and after much persuasion from yours truly (and his mom ;~D ), he submitted it to a local news station and it made the evening news!

Ironically, the day before this all happened, I had been thinking about how lucky I was to have lived so close to Lake Erie my whole life and that I didn't have to worry about my water, like the people in California are dealing with this summer.

If you're interested, this is a great article/comic about what happened and how long its been going on.

Love and hugs,