When it comes to this blog, I have begun to look at September as one of my favorite months.
I do my best to unplug from technology as much as possible during the Summer months. This means I pre write and schedule three months worth of posts at the end of May/beginning of June.
Then I come back and see how much I've changed since I wrote those posts and get to chuckle (or not ;-) ) at what was going on in my life while you were reading them.
This Summer, while you were enjoying fun posts about the Dalai Lama, learning about yoga and aging, discovering how to create your own sacred space, contemplating how to move on from a friendship, re-evaluating your ideas about time management, creating abundance or taking in the enlightening experiences of my physical therapy I was engaged in quite a heavy journey of physical transformation and personal growth.
But we did have some sweet unexpected love come our way, as well. (Oh! And I also made a little something for you to share.)
SUMMER SLOWDOWN 2015
Physical therapy was moving along nicely, then towards the middle of June, I started experiencing severe pain in the achilles tendon of my broken ankle - the one thing I had been able to count on NOT hurting since the very beginning.
At this point I was only going to PT twice a week, on the condition that I would be doing lots of exercising at home. But, this is not what was happening, due to the pain.
When I first experienced the pain, we backed off on the amount of reps I was doing, for about a week. I'm a sensitive person and I could tell my therapist was ready to get back to the therapy that had been laid out for me and even though the pain was still pretty intense, I moved forward.
I did this because this is what you do in PT. You always hurt and you always, MUST*, move forward, I thought I would get stronger and it would chill out - like all the other pains I'd been through.
(*unless it's excruciating/stabbing pain, then you stop, no matter how much of a drill sergeant your therapist may be (I know they are out there, mine, HALLELUJAH! was not).
Chronic pain really can cloud your judgment.
This choice led to me going to PT, then spending my time at home babying my achilles tendon and not exercising, so I could get ready for my next PT session. This, of course, then led to a five pound weight gain.
Just as I would start to make progress on the tendon pain, I'd go back to PT and start all over again. And the extra five pounds just made PT even more painful and I was not interested in taking narcotics to get through the rest of my sessions.
This was just enough time for my achilles tendon to finally make some progress.
I was feeling better emotionally, because I wasn't dealing with so much pain, and my spirit would not let me go back.
I knew if I missed one more appointment, they would have to discharge me. So I cancelled, had a good talk with my therapist (who felt awful - she thought it was just surgery pain), and officially left PT with three sessions left to go.
POST TRAUMATIC STRESS
I had been going full throttle since January fifth. I was practicing what I preached and doing everything the doctors were telling me to do and then some. For seven months, I was laser focused on healing.
When I was finally let go from the medical system, I felt like my behind was flapping in the breeze. I felt naked and raw. But I was so happy to not have to walk into that hospital anymore.
Then, after having a couple of weeks without severe pain, my psyche finally had time to process all kinds of emotions I wasn't able to those past seven months. All kinds of things were more important and, combined with all the pain medication (from the narcotics to Tylenol and Aleve), which block emotions, I was unaware of how much I still had to process.
Up to this point, I had not allowed myself to truly take in the trauma my body had been through. And once I was ready - POW! It all started flowing.
I had post traumatic stress symptoms for about three weeks. At first it made sense. Something would trigger a memory of a moment and I would just start crying uncontrollably until it was fully processed. I was OK with this. I knew what was going on.
Then I went for a week where I would have this happen for no apparent reason. My spirit knew I had the time and strength, so I just went with it.
I informed my family as to what was going on and promised to get professional help if it didn't run its course. But, it did run its course and now, every once in a while, something will trigger and I'll shed a couple of tears.
BACK TO WORK?
Anyone who has been a regular follower of mine since my Marla days, knows that I spent the better part of three years trying to move on from my work in the public school system. My body was telling me it was time to go and I just didn't know how to handle it because I didn't know how I was going to replace the income.
Then the Universe stepped in and I broke my ankle.
When it was time for school to start up again, I was very aware that my days of running after and restraining emotionally, out of control children, or physically transporting and maneuvering high schoolers with special needs - those days were over - at least for now.
For the first time in ten years, I did not spend August getting geared up to go back to work. This was almost as emotionally devastating as the post traumatic stress. And when the first week of school rolled around I plummeted into a deep funk.
I was grieving and I knew this would run its course as well.
It did and now I am on to bigger and better things.
A NEW BODY
The last bit of adjustment has been dealing with my new body.
Because of where the hardware is in my ankle, everything is new and different now.
How I stand. How I walk. How I do yoga...
I especially notice it after my chiropractic adjustments. My body wants to do things the old way, but that's just not an option anymore, so I have to be patient, focus on the new way and give myself time to allow the new movements to become my "new normal".
THE FUTURE'S SO BRIGHT...
Well, I'm not wearing shades, but, yeah, things are definitely moving forward at a very steady pace.
I am very busy doing what needs to be done to allow a new income.
There is so much involved.
I promise to share as things unfold.
And I hope you enjoyed my version of "How I Spent My Summer Vacation" ;-D
Love and hugs,
P.S. I start teaching the 4 week version of the Brilliant Blogging program TOMORROW! I am so excited and I still have a couple of spots left. Plus! - the introductory pricing is still available. I'd love to have you join us. : )
Click Here for the special pricing.