Monday, May 9, 2016
A Lesson In Allowing
And the healing continues.
I tried to make this clear in my post about burnout: the healing process is so much more profound than simply healing a broken bone.
Now that I am a couple of days away from trusting my instincts by leaving my job, the message is so clear.
I want to mention that when we go through a life change, it can take years for the real reasons to reveal themselves.
As I mentioned in the last post, everything about this particular life change has been high octane.
I am seeing a much bigger picture today.
It all makes so much sense.
And, as time goes on, I'm sure I will see more.
So, please, you can't compare, but I do want you to know, that if you currently find yourself navigating a life change, the reasons will reveal themselves as time goes on and you get settled.
I knew in my gut that this was all due to my healing.
I knew that I had outgrown my present circumstances.
I knew I had done all I was meant to do.
I left, without fear, knowing it was exactly what I was supposed to be doing at that moment, without needing to know, why.
After moving through the heavy emotions, I remembered.
Why not call my old agency, if nothing else, just to get the energy flowing?
I had no preconceptions.
If there was work, hooray, if not, I knew I would be OK.
Three positions had opened up at my old school, that same day.
I made it clear that I had physical limitations, which would prevent me from working with the younger kids.
They said they would get back to me.
I looked at the time.
I called my good friend who still works there and asked her who lost aides?
High school. The age group I prefer, in that environment.
THE NEXT DAY
My agency called.
My prints from my previous job were sent to the Ohio Department of Education, my last background check is good for another three years, and the principal at my old school is thrilled to have me back.
I just needed to get my permit in motion and I'm back to work.
"We'll send you an email"
I never got it.
Turns out my old school only needed someone for the younger kids.
The message I had received in regards to my healing was even more set in stone.
LET ME BREAK IT DOWN FOR YOU
Look at the last couple of days from a distance.
I listened to the Universe and allowed things to unfold, even though there were moments when It was not easy.
Then it seemed as if, maybe, I'd be able to keep some money trickling in by going back to a job that I had already burned out from once before.
This did not happen either.
So, what was the message I got in regards to this phase in my healing?
An old one.
Sometimes it's impossible to move on to what's next when everyone around you only sees what used to be.
That's what had happened at my job.
I am stronger and ready for something more.
All they saw was the woman who had started working there in September. A woman with physical difficulties and no car (FYI - we got a car a week or so after I started).
They thought I was working there because I needed their help, because I had no other choice. Sure, it helped, but I had other options. I was there because I wanted to be, they never got that and treated me as such.
So, of course, things were not going to work out with my old job. Stepping back and dealing with people who would only have seen who I was two years ago, would not have resonated with where I am headed, either.
WHERE AM I HEADED?
I have no idea.
I never do.
What I do know is that wherever the Universe wants me is where I will end up.
I will learn what I am supposed to learn.
And, in the meantime, it looks like I have quite a bit of time to focus on my dreams for my Biz.
P.S. Interested in more insights on healing? Check out my free eBook. Instant download, no email address required :)